I am a pretty little dutch girl,
As pretty as pretty can be
And all the boys around my block
Are crazy over me

I was walkin' down the street
Look at boobs, asses, faces
Went into Salvation Army
For some used glasses cases
Next to the doorway
The cashier in casmir held up an old map of Norway
She flipped it over, and the message read 'You're gay'
Looked at her anxiously
Two lip rings looked like fangs to me
I said, 'Hope my sperm'll get under your thermal
Underwear because you're cuter than Nermal'
She said, 'Go get a haircut!'
So I showed her my bare butt
Pulled down my Carhearts,
Put my Moon in her StarTrek
And to make stupid stupider,
I slapped a ring on my ass
Said, 'Now my Moon's Jupiter!'
Fuckin' asshole

She has a boyfriend, Fatty
He comes from Cincinatti,
With fourty-eight toes
And a pickle on his nose
And this is the way the story goes

Clickity-clack he's at the rag with a jacket
It's black Italiano look back cause he's backlet
Hey, what's up with these fuckin' Chinese looking
Street-gang jackets
We started to slowdance
I said, 'No chance for romance
If I have to wear condoms,
Cause they feel like snowpants'
But I couldn't stay calm becuase she revealed a bra
Made of two yamakas
I said, 'You're hella great! Lets celebrate'
We took the freight elevator to continue
Our back and forth shaggin sports
In the room with the dampenport
When men become cuckles
She chuckled, I felt her knuckles above my belt-buckle

One day when she was walking
She heard her boyfriend talking
To a little girl with the strawberry curls
And this is what he said to her

My pissed off gibrowski turned three colors like Christof Caslouski
I said, 'A hand job's a man's job, you're job's a blow job'
That porn snob, that corn cob with a doorknob
Is a born slob, and I'll blameless
Every penis wants to be famous
It's a good way to stay misogamistic and aimless
She said, 'I'm glad you explained that,
My name is Jane Pratt, before you jerk off on my head
Please pass me that rainhat'
So I did, you know, what can I say?
I'm a lonely male who'll settle for any phony in a ponytail

C'mon, bring your women over here so I can show 'em a real Italian man. I got the best of both fuckin' worlds here. Fuckin' black man's dick, and an Italian man's brains